From this moment on
10 Jul 2011 Leave a Comment
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When I was 20, I worked for a women magazine and was responsible for answering letters from readers. Once I read that one woman was so sad about her boyfriend’s past. She said it made her so sick when people say, “ooh your dating… that was… boyfriend. did you know they had sex all the time?” She wanted to throw up. Also, the relationships he had with those girls weren’t even that long exactly so how he could have sex with someone and fall in love so quickly, scared her a lot. She asked me: “He did nothing wrong but his love for me just so great. So why am I so terribly jealous?? It must be me, my own insecurities. And THAT is what I need help with. I have no idea how to become more secure, and stop thinking about my boyfriend’s past”
At that time, at the age of 20, when you were still so idealistic and not yet experienced enough, you tended to be giving moral advice. Oh yes, I did. I replied to her that: “A situation like this I’d have to say ‘Water Under the Bridge’. Being jealous of his past encounters is irrational. My advice to you is to realize you are being irrational by being jealous of the past. You realize that, accept it, and carry on knowing it is the past and not him having sex with them now then you are on th way to getting over this irrationality.”
After that, I didn’t get her letters any more. I did think that it was the best advice ever. Perfect answer.
Years later, now I’m a young man with some (so-called) past encounters. It thought I’m experienced when I can always give good excuse and explanation for every situation and drive people to the way I expect them to think. I did think that for love the situation would be the same too. But I’m wrong.
Recently, I faced the same situation as the reader did before. That’s just so weird that in your own situation, you never did the same way you advise people. I was just really annoying and angry when I knew my love had someone to love before. It tore me. I have never been so uncontroled like this before. Normally I would just feel a bit uncomfortable then let it go.I was irrational and mad at the one I love the most.
Then I just relized that my past relationships before were a lot like love, but it’s not love. The reason is so simple. I didn’t love those past mates before truly. That’s why when I heard someone said that she or he saw that one going out with someone. It didn’t even bother me. I didn’t cause me any emotion. Yeah, that was not love.
I’m usually a person who have rules and know how to be prominent, but this time when it comes to love, every rule was broken, and only emotion leads the way to go. I was mad, I was angry, I was annoying, I was jealous (surprisingly). A part of me always feels insercure and wonder what that one was doing, if that one was thinking of me and even being so selfish to want to be updated every hour. It’s just so stupid of me because even it’s better if your mate’s had many experiences before you. If that one hasn’t, when your mate’s with you, he or she’ll always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side and that leads to cheating or breaking up. Whatever happened in the past is in the past, so leave it there! It’s not worth destroying a good relationship over!
My friend is right. He said maybe I’m not experienced enough to learn how to be tolerant. So this time, I will learn real emotions and be more thoughtful. It’s time for me to grow up more and walk to the next step of my life: living this true love.
I’m happy with what I have now and every day I think about our future together, that is enough for me to live on.
